There are many signs that can signal we have a dysregulated nervous system (like shut down, anger, and digestive problems), and many survivors of sexual trauma discover the prolonged effects of a dysregulated nervous system once symptoms interfere with their daily life.
While it’s supportive to practice regulating tools anytime, we can take time to notice the more subtle signs of dysregulation, so we can support ourselves before we feel completely overwhelmed. This gives us a chance to tune in to our bodies more closely, practice listening to the needs of our nervous systems, and create a lifestyle where we feel in control of our symptoms, energy levels, and inner safety.
It’s not our fault if we miss the early signs of dysregulation since many survivors learn how to override this for survival.
I welcome you to send yourself grace for not noticing early (or any) signs of dysregulation in your body. We’re often not taught about our nervous systems and so we may feel like our symptoms are in our own heads (which they definitely aren’t).
A dysregulated nervous system affects our minds and bodies, and it’s how we’ve learned to survive through evolution. If our body senses fear (usually from threats or reminders of past traumas) it’ll make this known to our consciousness. A few examples of doing this is by raising our heart rate, making our breath shorter, and tensing our muscles. This gets our attention so we can consciously take action to survive a situation.
Our bodies chose the best course of action during our traumas, and while our culture may not always understand the freeze response, it’s a very common reaction to sexual trauma, and was how our bodies felt it was the best way to survive. I offer a gentle reminder that your trauma was not your fault, no matter how your nervous system reacted. You survived, and that is something always worth honoring.
Long term symptoms arise when we are in a safe location, yet we still feel as though danger is present.
After trauma, our nervous systems remain on high alert so we can watch for future signs of similar traumas. This is a smart survival strategy, but only when it serves us. When we’re finally in a safe location, yet our bodies feel highly activated, we can feel as if we’re going crazy, can’t seem to relax, or feel overwhelmed by even small tasks.
I promise you that you’re not going crazy and there is nothing broken or wrong with you. Your body is just trying to protect you. The more we honor this truth, the easier it can be to send compassion to ourselves, instead of judging or diminishing our symptoms or feelings.
Symptoms will emerge if we remain in a dysregulated state, since we’re not able to complete the stress response. If we remain constantly “on” without release, we’ll eventually face burnout and exhaustion (while still feeling alert).
Once the initial shock of trauma fades, we can take steps to regulate our nervous systems. You may have already explored a few options to return to a more centered presence, then found you were soon facing anxiety and exhaustion not much later. One way we can support ourselves is to notice the subtle signs of dysregulation, so we take action earlier and can restore our nervous systems to a balanced state.
The sooner we recognize signs of dysregulation, the less time and effort it will take to restore us to a centered place.
Unless we’re in an immediate crisis, dysregulation in our bodies may not seem that noticeable. If we tune into ourselves and notice these gentle shifts, we can honor these signs before they escalate into complete overwhelm. This isn’t about “fixing” something that is broken, but more about presence and holding space for ourselves.
Below are a few early signs of dysregulation, and it’s okay if they don’t all apply to you since we’re all unique in our experiences and bodies:
Fight
These signs may show up before anger or powerful emotions.
- Irritation or easily snap at loved ones
- Feeling on edge or easily annoyed by sounds, movements, or distractions
- Jaw tension and clenching
- Eye strain, tension behind the eyes, tension headaches
- Constant fidgeting or pacing
- Defensiveness (feeling like you need to win all arguments)
- Criticizing yourself or others
These subtle signs signal that more space and releasing deep-rooted feelings (mostly of rage or hurt) would be supportive.
Flight
Flight can feel like urgency, hyper-productivity, or escapism.
- Doom scrolling or excessive cleaning
- Jumping from one idea, chore, or task onto to the next with no pauses
- Rapid or shallow breathing
- Feeling overwhelmed by daily tasks
- Constantly planning
- Find it difficult to sit in quiet, stillness, or without any distractions
These are subtle signs of trying to “run away” or escape from discomfort in our thoughts and body before they can reach our full level of consciousness.
Freeze
Freeze can show up in our bodies when we don’t see fight or flight as possible solutions.
- Having a hard time to have conversations (have to remind yourself to pay attention)
- Feel like you’re floating above your body
- Zoning out and forgetting things you just did (like instantly forgetting where you set things down)
- Feeling tired or heavy
- Slow response time (feeling like you’re watching yourself speak)
- Not realizing when you’re hungry or thirsty
- Daily self-care feels overwhelming (brushing your teeth, showering, making food).
These are signs your body is conserving energy to survive perceived overwhelm.
We may judge ourselves in this state because it leads to the least productive outcome. I welcome you to be gentle with yourself, and know that you’re not lazy because you’re in a dysregulated state. Pressuring ourselves to do more when we’re in a freeze state can activate our nervous systems even more, leading to more frustration.
Fawn
These signs arise from a fear of disconnection, rejection, or disapproval. They can also be from trying to create safety, in a sense that if we make everyone around us feel comfortable, we’ll be safe. Here are a few examples:
- Saying yes to doing things for others when you don’t want to.
- Apologizing when you did nothing wrong.
- Over explaining yourself for why you do things or have a preference.
- Feeling guilty for resting or needing space.
- Feeling responsible for others’ feelings.
- Focusing on others’ facial expression, tone, or subtle shifts.
- Placing other people’s feelings over your own.
The difference between fawning and simply being a kind person is that you abandon yourself and your needs over others. While sometimes (especially parents), we place others before us, this is more of an emotional abandonment, and we often feel like our feelings aren’t as important as others or that we’re not safe to express how we truly feel.
Fawn is less talked about, but deeply common in trauma survivors, especially sexual trauma. Some survivors may appease their abusers by going along with what they wanted in fear of escalating anger or violence. Saying “yes” doesn’t equal consent if you were afraid to say “no.”
Our culture has seemed to place people pleasing as one of the less desirable traits we need to “fix.” But again, this is a smart survival strategy we have adapted to survive. People pleasing also has its roots in survival.
There was a time that if you were banished from a tribe and were alone in the wilderness, the chances of you surviving were extremely slim. To survive, we learned to people please in moments so we could remain safe and in the tribe. People pleasing is hard wired within us even though modern times allow us to be more independent.
While we can learn how to focus more on our own desires and honor our boundaries, it’s important to acknowledge that we’re not currently broken and need to be corrected. We’re simply learning to soften and release survival and protective strategies that served us at one point, but not at this current time.
It may be difficult to notice these subtle signs when we’ve been in a more dysregulated state because of traumatic events in our life.
Many survivors learn to dissociate, freeze, or fawn instead of respond, because at one point this was the only choice they had. This can lead to either collapse or a desire for control, which can give us temporary feelings of safety, but not an embodied long term feeling of safety. We can return to ourselves through gentle connection and moving within a pace that supports us.
To begin noticing these subtle signs, we can begin with gentle awareness.
We don’t need to overwhelm ourselves further by doing hour-long meditations or yoga classes, as this can activate us if we’re not used to these longer sessions. It’s more supportive to start small and doable, something that works for your schedule and doesn’t create an activated response.
One way to bring awareness is to notice and name your feelings and sensations. Maybe for five or so minutes (or a time that works for you), you can name what you’re feeling, doing your best to be as objective as possible, instead of judgmental. You might say, I feel heaviness in my chest, or even just an overall feeling like, numb, or light.
You could also explore journaling if you prefer writing. You might journal on the prompt: If my body (or part of my body) could say something right now, what would it be? What is it asking of me? What would support this area to feel loved and a part of me?
Body scans are also a supportive way to bring awareness to areas of tension in your body. Sometimes, even just noticing we have tension in an area can bring release to it. You might choose to start at your fingers or head, slowly traveling the opposite direction and softening each area. You are welcome to skip any areas that you don’t feel comfortable with. If you’re looking for a guided meditation, I invite you to explore my free 10 minute body scan meditation transcript.
If you’d like to incorporate awareness into your daily life, you might take a moment (even just one breath) in between moments in your day. Sometimes, we feel we need to rush into the next thing, but even a quick check-in between these moments can support more awareness and notice if your body is craving tending.
When you bring awareness to your body and you notice a subtle sign of activation, you can explore grounding tools that feel supportive
If you’re new to this type of work, I invite you to spend time on awareness. You might explore this for a few weeks and notice how you feel. If you’ve been dysregulated for a while, it might feel uncomfortable to be in the present moment for any amount of time. This is entirely okay, your pace is always the best pace.
If you feel comfortable with awareness, I invite you to start incorporating grounding tools and strategies. The point of grounding isn’t to correct or fix us, but to respond to our bodies.
Here are a few simple, accessible ways to invite grounding:
- Name sights, sounds, sensations, tastes, and smells. You might choose to name three of each, or just one. To make this a more somatic practice, you could explore how this feels in your body. An example is if you’re looking at something brown like a tree, you might notice how this feels in your eyes to look at. Can you notice any sensations as you look at the colors? Or maybe you shift to a different color and see if anything changes. This is optional, but can add more awareness to what you’re naming.
- Gentle movement. You could explore any type of movement you enjoy. Maybe you give yourself a self hug, explore yoga, rocking, swaying, or anything else you prefer.
- Breathwork. This can cause more anxiety in some, so I invite you to explore this only if it brings more comfort to you. You might spend a few moments breathing into your belly, maybe even resting your hand on top of your belly and chest, taking note of the sensations of your breath.
As you explore these grounding strategies, I welcome you to view this as a way to work with yourself to regulate your nervous system, instead of a more pressured way of suppressing how you’re feeling. When we allow our emotions and feelings to surface, we can complete the stress response and tell our bodies that we’re safe in this moment.
It’s okay if you don’t notice any differences right away, as this can take some practice to get into, but with time you’ll start to uncover the strategies that work best for you.
If you’re looking for more information on grounding and resourcing for a somatic practice, I welcome you to explore this blog post.
When we take small moments each day to care for ourselves, we can be amazed at how much more resilient our nervous systems become.
It’s true that a little a day goes a long way, especially with our nervous systems. While many people in today’s world have dysregulated systems due to our stressful modern day lives, survivors of trauma can feel even more pressure to feel or be normal. In a culture that praises hustling and quick solutions, it’s actually the opposite (slowness and time) that supports our nervous systems best.
I invite you to take all the time you need as you begin your healing journey and reconnecting with your body, especially after sexual trauma. This type of trauma can create different challenges because we’re working with our bodies, which can be a source of activation and reminder of our trauma.
But having different challenges does not mean we’re incapable of healing. With time, kindness, and supportive resources and healing modalities that work for you, it’s entirely possible to reconnect with your body, strengthen self trust, and feel an embodied sense of safety.
Gentle yoga classes for sexual trauma healing
If this resonated with you, I welcome you to explore my free trauma-informed yoga library, designed specifically for sexual trauma survivors. The library is divided into classes based on your current healing season, with one dedicated to grounding and nervous system support. You’ll explore classes that focus on somatic techniques, vagus nerve activation, and gentle meditations.
I welcome you to join me inside and explore the free classes and private community! (no social media required).
