When healing from trauma, many of us are given the message that to be healed means to be in full bloom with vibrant energy and the typical traits of extroversion. If we love quiet moments, our own space, and have busy, internal worlds, we may feel like this is part of a trauma response or fear of being seen. But maybe our reserved nature isn’t another area of improvement, but a way of returning to our true selves.
In a world that seems to highlight an extroverted sense of healing, trauma healing for introverts is not about becoming this ideal version, but about returning to our gentle selves with full confidence and self belonging.
Determining if we’re stepping into ourselves or fitting a mold
Many introverts may feel like this type of personality is not as recognized in society. Sometimes, it seems the loudest, brightest, most productive, and outgoing personalities that are so often celebrated. While there is nothing wrong with being more extroverted, it can feel as though this is the end goal for introverts, to somehow convert into more of this personality.
For many introverts, we’re often told we need to come out of our shells, to speak up more, or be put on the spot for being quiet and reserved. Our desire to observe and analyze before acting may feel like a weakness or area that needs improvement.
And where the confusion can manifest itself even more is how many trauma survivors also have a fear of being seen and withdraw, maybe appearing more introverted. This can send a message that to be outgoing and more extroverted means we have healed this part of us, but this can feel jarring for introverts, maybe even furthering self judgment how our traumas are still affecting us – when this could just be who we are naturally.
Trauma response or our innate nature?
While both can be true, the main difference between these lies in the deeper reason we act the way we do.
Introversion is how we innately are in our natural state of being. We tend to feel most restored and centered in quiet spaces, prefer deep, meaningful conversations over small talk, and a slower lifestyle over constant hustling. We tend to feel recharged after alone time, and slightly more drained after being around a large crowd of people.
A common response to trauma is withdrawal and isolation, leading to the confusion of whether we’re shutting ourselves out from the world, or maybe we’re simply recharging our natural selves.
To truly know the difference, we can explore how our solitude feels in our body.
Discovering our feelings with somatic exploration
One way to explore if we’re recharging or hiding is to see how we feel in our bodies when we’re in solitude. Do you feel whole and more grounded? Or do you feel anxious, tense, numb, or disconnected? Do you long for connection but feel resistance in your body, a voice telling you to not show up too much?
We may also explore journaling after interactions with others. After spending time with people you feel comfortable around, do you feel a little drained and crave a recharge, or are you exhausted from feeling like you had to perform or put on a mask around others? If you’re near people who usually allow you to feel safe and comforted, are you still exhausted after spending time with them? Do you feel like social anxiety is beginning to take over your life, leading to feeling like you need to hide?
When we’re gripping, our bodies tend to follow. Maybe our breath becomes shorter, we feel tightness in our chest, shoulders, hips, jaw, belly, or elsewhere. It’s a way of holding and protecting for fear of what might happen. We might feel exhausted and that any task is too big, even if we rested all day. There could also be deeper feelings of loneliness, or longing, maybe a heaviness in our chest.
When we’re comfortable and feeling like we’re recharging, we might notice a more calm, relaxed feeling. Those areas of tension above might release (even if just a little). It’s a deeply restorative feeling that leaves us more energized and ready to expand our horizons within our limits. We’ll have the natural energy to return to hobbies, unlike when we’re gripping and even the things we used to enjoy are overwhelming. While introverts like doing things in solitude, we rarely feel alone when we’re in alignment.
Bodywork is how we explore these feelings within us, but I welcome you to send yourself compassion if you’re finding this challenging. For a more supportive experience, you could perhaps explore gentle therapy through these supportive resources. A trained mental health professional can support you in this journey and identifying these unique differences with more clarity.
We can also view how we naturally were before our trauma
Some of us may have experienced trauma from a very early age, and may not have an understanding of their baseline behaviors before their trauma. This is entirely okay, and we can still understand our baseline by slowly learning our true wants and desires (more on this in the next section).
For those that may have encountered trauma later in life, you might explore how you interacted with people before trauma occurred. Some of us are just naturally more shy, more reserved, more private. If we weren’t the type to post on social media or walk into a room and strike a conversation with someone effortlessly, trying to “correct” this after trauma may feel uncomfortable in our bodies and souls.
Releasing the need to know exactly where we land.
We might fall into thinking we need to always know with certainty if our actions are because of introversion, from past trauma, or even both. I welcome you to give yourself permission to move at your own pace, and to explore what feels supportive in your body in this moment, instead of how you think you should feel or the mold you fit into. This may come from craving perfection after trauma, which I explore more about in this blog post.
The more we focus on what is (instead of what should be) we can better understand our feelings, and if our desires are from a genuine place, or from a protective, gripping place. In this subtle energy, we can understand when our bodies are craving a genuine recharge and rest after genuine connection, or wanting to run and push away from a situation, especially if it’s around those who typically leave us feeling comforted.
There are also different levels of extroversion and introversion, some even being both (ambivert). It’s not always as simple as placing ourselves into one category or another. This is why it’s important to soften into your unique blend of personality and self. To explore more about finding your authentic self after trauma, I welcome you to read this blog post.
Trauma healing for introverts is more about embracing our unique selves, instead of fitting into a mold.
Wherever you may be on your healing journey, I invite a gentle reminder that you are whole exactly as you are in this moment. We may feel like there are pieces of us that need fixing before we can embody this feeling of wholeness, but we’re not lacking if we’re still learning our patterns. It’s a journey, and over time, we can learn to honor our present selves each step of the way.
Healing Quietly, on Your Own Terms
In The Cozy Corner, my free trauma-informed yoga library, I offer a soft space for healing that doesn’t ask you to become louder, more visible, or a different version of yourself. Instead, it’s designed for introverts, sensitives, deep feelers, and those who want to reconnect with their bodies and nervous systems gently, and on their own terms.
Inside, you’ll find calming yoga practices, somatic tools, meditations, and a community chat for connecting or finding inspiration. I also explore themes related to sexual trauma and common symptoms experienced after this type of trauma for a more tailored experience. I welcome you to join me below!
