For so many survivors, trauma leaves an imprint that leads to disconnection from our authentic self. We might not feel safe to be our true selves, maybe even feeling that the reason our traumas occurred was because of our expression. This can lead to living a life under a mask, one that provides a sense of control but out of true belonging.
I welcome you to join me in this post as we explore how to reveal your authentic self, and how to do this through a somatic, trauma-informed lens.
We’re not a problem to be fixed and how this prevents finding our authentic self
We’re sent constant messages that we always need to improve, strive, and fix. This is unsupportive for many of us because saying we need to be fixed implies that there is something deeply wrong with us, and that until we find a solution, this flaw will continue to live in us. Many sexual trauma survivors have a belief that there is something deeply flawed within them – that their true self is dangerous and not wanted in this world.
This can lead us into a self-help rabbit hole, trying to find the “thing” that makes us so different, so that we can fix it and feel true belonging with ourselves and others. While consciously, we may understand that this likely isn’t true, we may still find this is a deep-rooted belief if we experience tension in our bodies or fear of showing our true selves to others. With gentle somatic work, we can uncover these beliefs and release these feelings rather than continue to analyze or overthink.
I invite you to learn more about somatic healing through trauma-informed yoga in this free three-week blog series.
The resistance we feel when we try to “fix” ourselves is that we’re trying to change or maybe even become someone new. But to be authentic, we actually need to release. Release the beliefs that our inherent self caused our traumas, that we need to chameleon into situations to feel safe, and to adjust ourselves around different people. The more we release the need to control how we’re perceived, the more we belong to ourselves, and the more we step into a life that feels genuine and embodied.
5 somatic ways to uncover our authentic self
These somatic tips support gentle release and self discovery. Feel free to explore any that speak to you or to skip any that don’t.
1. Stepping into our present bodies
To return to ourselves and release, we need to step into our whole, present body. We can do this by softening judgements of ourselves and lead with compassion and acceptance.
If you like, I welcome you to place one hand on your heart and the other on your belly, maybe noticing the rise and fall of your breath. Are you able to notice sensations that arise with curiosity? As you notice your body exactly as it is in this moment, can you offer kind words to yourself? Are there any movements you’re craving, or maybe a specific yoga pose?
This blog post offers five self-compassion journal prompts for somatic exploration if you find this practice to be challenging.
2. Releasing weight and control
Many survivors feel safer if they’re able to control their environment, selves, and sometimes even others. This is a protective way to feel safer and like we can prevent future traumas. This can lead to too much grip within our minds, leading to tightness in our bodies.
I welcome to take a moment, maybe taking a cleansing breath by inhaling through your nose and exhaling out your nose or mouth when you’re ready. You might choose to soften your jaw, face, and shoulders. You could even stand and shake out parts of your body that feel tightness. Even if it’s only for a moment, release in our bodies can lead to release in our minds. Sometimes we can experience tears, or other times we might feel a little lighter – even if just for a moment or two.
This act of release allows us to let go of the hold we have on how to act, think, and behave to feel safer, and instead we embody a sense of inner calm, contentness, and centeredness. When we trust our inner guidance, we naturally step into a more relaxed, supportive presence.
3. Embodying joy without guilt
It can be confusing to feel guilty when we also feel joy, but this is common for many survivors. There are several reasons for this, and everyone is different. Sometimes, we might think that being happy means we’re not honoring our past, or that if we move on, we leave ourselves vulnerable. It’s also possible that moving forward leaves us worried if we were being dramatic in our experience when we reflect on the past. If we’re happy now, did our traumas really affect us? We may also feel that if we become content in our lives, something or someone is waiting to take it away.
This can lead to feeling conflicted between honoring our past self, and wanting to move forward. We might understand logically that emotions in the present don’t change the severity of past events, but we might feel this if we feel the need to hide our excitement from others, or think of all the ways something or someone might take our joy away. We might self sabotage (consciously or unconsciously) so that we can have more control over a negative outcome – instead of experiencing the anxiety of waiting for it to happen.
Joy is also a pleasurable feeling, and survivors may feel uncomfortable with feeling good in their bodies, maybe experiencing guilt or confusion. I welcome you to explore this blog post to explore reasons sexual trauma survivors often feel shame, and how to soften this heaviness with trauma-informed guidance.
To support ourselves as we feel joy, we can begin with small, supportive steps. I invite you to write a list of things that you enjoy in your life – maybe it’s a hobby, music, supportive memories, or anything else that lights you up. You might choose to include these into your daily routine more often, and maybe repeating supportive affirmations as you explore them like:
- I am worthy of joy
- Joy is my authentic self speaking to me
- I choose joy
You might also meditate on the feeling of joy – like a pleasant memory or the feeling of being with a person or pet you love. This is called an internal resource, and something you can return to any time you choose.
4. Trusting intuition
Survivors may feel like their intuition failed them, but intuition is not about predicting the future. It’s the subtle voice that tells us our true wants and needs. I offer a gentle reminder it’s normal to feel unsure when you begin trusting your intuition after trauma. With time and practice, it’s possible to restore this connection with yourself.
A simple way to strengthen intuition is to explore listening to your body’s basic needs. You might begin by noticing when you’re thirsty or hungry, and place trust in this feeling, followed by nourishing yourself. You could also notice if you’re becoming sleepy, and follow by honoring these needs.
Eventually, you could notice more subtle feelings in your body, like if something brings you joy and you trust this inner guidance. This can even lead to embodied consent, which is truly knowing what is a “yes” for you, and what is a “no.” This work supports sexual trauma survivors because our internal messages may feel muddled or that we’re not sure what we truly want.
5. Stepping into the truth that we are already whole
It’s common to feel like a piece of us is missing after sexual trauma, and that our healing journey is about trying to find or fix this missing piece. The truth is we have been whole our entire life. Whether we were accomplishing something exciting or making mistakes, our inherent worth never changed.
Healing isn’t about putting pieces together, but by realizing that the pieces were never separated. In yoga philosophy, we face suffering when we become too attached to certain beliefs and judgements. When we release beliefs that hold us back, or make us feel less than, we realize that our worth was there all along – we didn’t have to fabricate it or become someone new. It welcomes a more gentle approach to healing, which is that we release instead of trying to erase, fix, or perfect.
In your holistic or somatic practices, I welcome you to approach classes from this angle. Instead of trying to add more layers, what would it mean to release unsupportive ones? How would you move through yoga practices if you approached them with this mindset?
Overview
Trauma can lead us to feeling safer putting on layers, little by little, until we may feel like we don’t know who we are or what we want. But when we uncover these layers, and discover true belonging within ourselves, we feel safety in our authentic selves – and this is a much more genuine sense of safety.
I welcome a gentle reminder that while we may call ourselves “survivors,” that doesn’t mean that is who we are at our core. We may come across many titles in life, (sibling, child, parent, occupation) but these are surface level. Our inherent worth and selves run much deeper, and this isn’t something we can reach through perfection or layers, but by release and trust in ourselves. When discovering your authentic self, I invite you to take all the time you need. This isn’t another journey to “perfect,” quickly discover, or even reach. It’s knowing that right now, you can already be present as your authentic self.
A Space to Soften, Release, and Reconnect
If this post resonated with you, I invite you to explore more in the Cozy Corner, a free trauma-informed yoga library and community that caters to common themes surrounding sexual trauma healing. Inside, you’ll find exclusive yoga classes, meditations, and somatic exploration to soften tension, reconnect with your body, and rediscover your authentic self. I welcome you to join me inside!
