We may feel like moving quickly, rushing onto the next task, milestone, or activity, feels safe, productive, and like we’ve found ourselves after trauma. This type of pace usually feels fine within our bodies until we find ourselves feeling stuck, unmotivated, and exhausted. Once we feel our energy start to come back, we feel more behind, and the cycle begins again.
This type of fast moving energy is our fight or flight, a sign we don’t feel entirely safe enough to rest, and it can lead to symptoms like body tension, exhaustion, and feeling like no matter how much we do, it’s still never enough.
This post explores how to reclaim rest as a sensitive survivor of sexual trauma, and how to incorporate slow living (even if it feels like we have no time).
Our sensitive natures can make rest feel impossible because of perfectionism, our empathetic nature, and how we may have put this coat of armor around us to feel more protected
If you’re a sensitive survivor, you might have noticed that you experience the world on a deeper level, feeling this emotionally, physically, and energetically. When we pick up on things that others might gloss over, like subtle emotions, it can be even more of a challenge to unwind and relax.
After trauma, we might notice this even more, since it’s common for survivors to be hyperalert, either consciously or subconsciously looking for potential threats. To gain control, we might strive for perfection and protection, often leading to hiding our true selves.
When we’re constantly on the lookout, and tuning into the subtle messages and needs of others, it can feel like rest is the last priority on our list. It can make us feel lazy, unproductive, or even unsafe. When our safety is in keeping busy, rest can feel impossible.
Since we gravitate toward wanting to make others feel comfortable, we can face even more pressure when those close to us give subtle (or sometimes, not so subtle) messages that we need to move on, be positive, and let the past stay in the past. This can also lead to us masking our true feelings, and showing that we’re in fact okay, proving this through effort, work, and performance.
We can slowly chip away at the idea that rest is lazy or a sign of weakness
In a world of constant going, it can feel offputting for anyone – not just survivors – to find rest. When we’ve experienced trauma and we’re sensitive at heart, it can feel like an extra weight to carry.
Not only are you carrying more than those who aren’t as sensitive, but we’re navigating our lives with a dysregulated nervous system and a culture that condemns rest as only for those who “aren’t willing to put in the work.”
It’s frustrating to see hustle glorified, how superhuman and celebrated it is to accomplish things with little to no breaks. But the truth is we’re all human, and we all have a limit. We don’t see the burnout, potentially unhealthy coping, or hidden exhaustion behind the scenes. All we see is that if you’re not working, you’re not trying.
How is this framework supposed to make those who carry past trauma feel, when even waking up in the morning can feel like climbing a mountain? When brushing our teeth feels like moving through honey and doing anything beyond daily to-dos feels like cement blocks are on our feet?
The rest that healing asks of us can feel entirely overwhelming. This exhaustion is not just from lack of sleep, but from our deep physical and emotional selves needing safety and balance.
Trauma can make rest feel unsafe since it’s unfamiliar to our nervous systems
When we’ve been in a constant state of production and productivity, it can feel activating when we rest, and we might even experience anxiety, intrusive thoughts, or waiting for something to happen.
This unfamiliarity leads us to feel that it’s safer to be busy, to not stop, because once we do, we could be flooded with memories, feelings, or thoughts. We also may feel that being busy keeps us out of our bodies. After sexual trauma, it’s common to avoid feeling too deeply within ourselves, as this can also be activating.
One way to support gently allowing more rest is to think in terms of small, tiny steps. We don’t need to do hour-long meditations or take weeks off from life to do this. Even a few moments, here and there, as much as five minutes, is a supportive start. You can also explore practices that don’t focus on your internal sensations if you’re not comfortable. You might notice the energy around you, how the air feels, or focus on an object instead.
This inclusion of rest is especially important for sensitive survivors
You may notice that as a sensitive soul, you feel much more during positive and negative events around you. You may have been told you’re empathetic, intuitive, or love creativity, or feel you hold these traits within yourself.
These are such unique offerings to the world, but what most don’t understand is that this type of soul requires more rest and recovery. How much we feel, think, and go through the deep layers of our thoughts and think (occasionally living in our heads more than our day-to-day lives) needs time to recharge.
Beginning to re-invite safety into your body
Creating more rest and safety is more about our nervous system than it is about how much rest we give ourselves. While quality and quantity are both important, quality of rest is a supportive start. Giving our bodies a chance to feel inner safety allows us to finally complete the stress response, and we might notice less tension, emotional release, and feeling truly rested.
We can explore creating safety in our bodies with softness, slowness, and intentional practices. This could be slow movements, gentle self-touch, or calming environments. You could also explore breathwork, yoga, time in nature, or other calming practices that feel supportive to you. What feels calming to one person may not be for the next, so taking the time to honor your unique needs and reactions is important to discovering what will be best for your healing.
If you’re interested in holistic practices, you can explore somatic (body-based) practices that don’t ask you to retell your experiences. Yoga is a somatic practice in itself, but not all yoga is focused on your internal experiences. You might choose to explore options like trauma-informed yoga or yoga that focuses on embodiment for a deeper, more intentional somatic approach.
I welcome a gentle reminder that while these practices may feel slow and almost as if you’re not doing much, when we approach our practice from an intentional angle, reminding ourselves that we’re safe to rest, our practices are much more effective. You’re also welcome to fidget as much as you like as too much stillness can be activating for some. What feels best to you will arise with enough practice and awareness.
It’s natural that when you incorporate more restful, calming practices, you might feel initial resistance
We might worry that we’ll fall behind, that we’re not doing enough for our healing, or worry what others (or even what we ourselves) might think if we explore more intentional rest. These fears are normal, even more so after experiencing trauma. When our “proof” of being healed is through how busy we are, it can feel like we’re regressing or starting over completely.
Not to mention the pressures we might feel when we hear about how busy others are in our lives. Taking a different approach can feel selfish or leave us with feelings of guilty. There is such deep pressure in our lives to do more, be more, produce. And while it’s good to be a supportive member of society and play our part, it can become detrimental if we don’t allow the other side: rest and recovery.
If all the world did was rest, nothing would be accomplished, but if all the world did was push harder and never rest, that’s just as detrimental. Creating a balance that works for us and our unique selves, nervous systems, and energy levels, is how we create harmony. We take rest because we know we need it. We take action because we know we have the capacity. Living through this lens is a lot more effortless than only resting when we “earned it” through working first.
How to meet your resistance to rest
Even if we know that allowing more rest is supportive, and will benefit us, it still comes with the inner voices that say we shouldn’t be doing this. I welcome you to honor the fact that this is normal; it’s a way we have protected ourselves in the past when it didn’t feel safe to slow down.
I welcome you to take a moment the next time you notice this resistance before rest and ask it, “What is this part of me trying to protect? What does it need to feel safe to rest in this moment?”
Even when we meet ourselves with kindness, we might still notice guilt. You might choose to remind yourself that this is normal to feel, and any new change or journey is old patterns trying to change the new ones. You might repeat affirmations that feel supportive to you, like:
- It’s okay to rest
- My worth is not tied to my output
- I am allowed to take this time
When you allow more rest, you give the most beautiful traits about you a chance to recover. You’ll be able to feel more present, less rushed, and trust your intuition on a deeper level. You won’t feel like going a million miles per hour to total collapse. You’ll be steady, and in the long run, we all know that slow and steady is more supportive in the long-run.
Reclaim rest on your terms, with gentle trauma-informed support.
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