Many sexual trauma survivors feel shame and guilt after their traumas, even though it isn’t their fault. This is a normal feeling to have after this type of trauma, and there are gentle ways to release these feelings and replace them with self love and presence.
I invite you to join me in this post as we explore why shame manifests and holistic practices for healing shame after sexual trauma.
Why Do We Feel Shame After Sexual Trauma?
This source from the National Library of Medicine explores how shame and guilt are common symptoms after violence related traumas and sexual abuse. There can be many reasons for this to surface, due to:
- Cultural beliefs
- Religious beliefs/ purity culture
- Self Blame
- Feeling pleasure and other reactions during the assault
- Remaining in a relationship with the assailant after the assault
I offer you a gentle reminder that sexual trauma is never your fault. Many of the reasons above include subconscious, deep-rooted beliefs that can make healing much more difficult. I invite you to explore these more below.
Cultural Beliefs
Many of us grow up in a victim-blaming culture. With these subtle messages in our lives, we might grow up to embody these messages-even after our own traumas. We wonder what we could’ve done differently, how it could’ve been prevented, and we can quickly fall into feelings of shame and guilt.
Religious Beliefs or Purity Culture
Certain religions may place a high value on remaining pure, referring to being a virgin, until marriage. This can be very difficult for survivors if they experienced trauma because they may feel like their purity is gone, resulting in feeling guilty or not feeling worthy of a stable, healthy marriage. I invite you to spend time with a mental health provider regarding these feelings, and know that your trauma was not something you chose to happen. You deserve to feel worthy of a healthy, happy relationship.
Self Blame
One reason we might do this is to protect our vision of the world – if we could somehow have stopped the trauma, then the world is still a safe place. It can be difficult to accept the fact that the world isn’t as safe as we thought, or that our trust was broken without being able to see warning signs.
Feeling Physical Pleasure And Other Reactions During The Assault
This can be confusing because it makes us question ourselves and leave us wondering if our traumas “count” because our bodies reacted a type of way during the trauma. The reason for this is because of something called arousal non-concordance. This means either:
- Your physical arousal doesn’t match your emotional arousal
- Your emotional arousal (feeling turned on) doesn’t match your physical arousal
This means it’s 100% possible that your body shows signs of arousal when you’re not emotionally aroused. This also happens in our daily lives – not just during a traumatic experience. Our bodies don’t match our feelings in this situation, and so if you felt pleasure during your trauma physically, it does not mean that you mentally enjoyed the experience.
Survivors may also feel shame for how they reacted during the trauma, wondering why they didn’t move or fight. This is because of your freeze response, and is a valid reaction to any trauma. Some survivors may also experience the fawn response which is appeasing to the other person in fear of escalating a situation. Both are normal to experience and are your body’s way of choosing the best way to protect you.
Remaining In a Relationship After the Assault
There are many reasons a person stays in an unhealthy or unsupportive relationship. We might feel like it’s unsafe to leave the relationship, experience denial about the experience, or feel the other reasons mentioned above. Doing what you feel is best for your survival is never a shameful decision. I welcome you to explore these support options if you’re in an unhealthy relationship.
Out of all these reasons, one message is important to remember, and that it’s not your fault. I understand how this is easier to say than to embody, because subtle messaging runs deep in our subconscious. Because of this, I highly recommend working with a mental health professional when working directly with shame.
Reminder: This is not an all inclusive list, but a few reasons why survivors may feel shame after sexual trauma. There are also common reactions to sexual trauma like hypersexuality or avoiding sex completely.
I invite you to acknowledge the resources and support you had or didn’t have while healing from your trauma in the early stages. We may look back on our decisions and shame ourselves for how we reacted, but we did the best we could with what we had at the time. No one is ever prepared for how they’ll react to trauma, and self forgiveness is a powerful step into healing.
I invite you to explore support options for a well rounded care plan – you are always worthy of support.
Fundamentals of Healing Shame After Sexual Trauma
These tips are supportive when working with shame and guilt. You can apply these to any somatic or yoga practices you choose, and I welcome you to take your time as you explore this section. There is never any rush to your healing.
Below are six key fundamentals to any bodywork practice you explore for healing shame after sexual trauma.
1. Safety and Comfort
Before beginning any practice, I invite you to make sure you’re in a safe and comfortable atmosphere. You might choose to add props like blankets or pillows.
2. Presence
Presence and awareness are important as you explore exercises, otherwise you won’t be able to restore your mind and body connection or discover embodiment.
3. Positivity
This isn’t about toxic positivity or even positive thinking, but about switching your focus to any sensations during your exercises that are tolerable or pleasurable. As you’re reading this right now, you might choose to explore if there are any parts of your body in this moment that feel nice, comfortable, or pleasurable. Maybe your feet feel rested on the ground or your legs feel nice under a warm blanket. Shifting your focus to what you enjoy is supportive during your practices.
4. Compassion
It’s easy during any practice to slip into judgement. I welcome you to notice when this happens, gently acknowledge it, then return to the practice when you’re ready. When you offer yourself compassion, you give yourself permission to take your time, experiment, and see how your practices develop.
5. Repetition
The more you practice, the better your results. I invite you to start with a time limit that works for you and you can be fully present for. It could be even just a few minutes to get started as you create more presence.
6. Patience
Everyone’s timeline for healing is different, so I invite you to give yourself patience as you heal. Some days will feel you’ve made huge progress, then you might feel you’ve been practicing for weeks with no change. It all counts and compounds over time, and there is no such thing as a wasted practice.
5 Holistic Shame Healing Exercises
I invite you to explore these practices in your time and pace and know you can end at any time.
1.Grounding Exercise for Presence
I invite you to find a comfortable seat wherever you choose. You have the option to include any additional props that would bring you more comfort. When you’re ready, I welcome you to notice the contact your body makes with the ground supporting you. Maybe you allow gravity to naturally ease your points of contact with the ground. In your time, with your eyes open or closed, I invite you to focus on these points of contact, how it feels within your body, and where there is a comfortable sensation. Is there anything you can do to make this moment more comfortable? Remain here as long as you like before gently returning to the room and space around you.
2. Yoga for Self-Love
Yoga poses are a supportive way to balance your chakras, especially your heart chakra. This is your center of self love and compassion, and including a few yoga poses focused on this area will support releasing shame.
5 Yoga Poses for your heart chakra:
- Cobra
- Sphinx
- Cat/cow
- Camel
- Chest expansions (clasping your hands behind your back and broadening your chest) while in standing poses or lunges.
If you’re curious about how your chakras are affected after sexual trauma and tips for creating balance, I invite you to read this blog post.
3. Butterfly Hug
While in a seated or standing position, I welcome you to give yourself a gentle hug, crossing your arms over one another. Maybe you rest your head in your hands and sway gently from side to side. As you root into the ground, you might choose to send yourself kind words or to repeat an affirmation.
4. Co-regulation
Brené Brown is a shame and vulnerability researcher, and has endless quotes for healing shame. (She’s one of my all time favorite people to quote!) One of her quotes about shame is: “Shame dies when stories are told in safe places.”
Not only is being near a safe person (or pet) supportive of calming your body, but sharing your experiences with them is how shame can be released. I invite you to share your story only if you choose to and with whoever you feel comfortable. Mental health professionals are also supportive options for sharing your story in a safe environment.
5. Explore Trauma-Informed Practices
These types of practices, including yoga, are supportive for trauma survivors because they lean into giving you autonomy and more positive experiences in your body. With more choice and discovery, you learn what your body truly wants and how to find comfort and confidence within yourself. I invite you to learn more about how trauma-informed yoga supports sexual trauma survivors in this blog post.
Overview
When healing shame and guilt after sexual trauma, I invite you to focus on the positive experiences in your body. It’s best to explore deep shame work with a mental health professional.
The goal of bodywork and healing sexual trauma with somatic practices is to replace negative experiences in your body with lots of new, healthy, and positive ones. With enough practice, you’ll feel safe within your body and release shame and guilt from past experiences.
Take good care on your healing journey and thank you for reading!
Ready For The Next Step?
A supportive way to release shame and replace it with self compassion is with gentle, trauma-informed yoga. My free library, the Cozy Corner, offers an entire library of classes designed specifically for sexual trauma survivors and common themes related to healing. You’ll also have access to the private studio chat for support and to connect with other like-minded yogis. I invite you to join me inside!
